My Journey Here

I share some of my journey here because much of what I have experienced now lives inside these offerings. Learning my natal chart and astrology helped me understand that my soul chose a big life — one that would have to take me to the depths before it could ever bring me home. Understanding my birth chart helped me find acceptance for my life and for all the different layers I have experienced. It was within the darkness that I found my spark of initiation to bring me to everything I now hold.

I was born in the UK into a life that moved fast and never quite settled. My mother had me at eighteen, and I did not know my biological father. Before I was two, my mother met the man that would become my dad. By the time I was eight, there were four of us — myself and my three younger brothers. Our lives consisted of a lot of chaos. Drugs and alcohol were often around us. My mum had childhood connections in Canada, so we moved between England, Wales, and Canada a few times throughout our early years. We were all born in different places. Stability was something we did not know. I learnt early how to adapt, how to read a room, and how to survive.

At ten, my parents had a messy divorce, which left us kids living in Wales with our dad, whilst our mother lived in Canada — for just under two years. When we were finally reunited with her, we all ended up moving back to Canada, this time settling on the west coast of British Columbia where we stayed. From ten to fourteen, life was full of turmoil and confusion. Memories related to lack of protection were at the surface, and I started to question my worth and my sense of self. My body was changing, adapting to new environments and new hormones, and I did not know who to look to for guidance. I was constantly pulled between mum and dad's houses, and I never fully knew where home was.

By fourteen, I adopted the ways I had witnessed and started to cope with alcohol, drugs, and starvation. Food became my place of control, and I starved myself until I was hospitalised. When I got out of the hospital, I lived with my mother full time in the big city of Vancouver. But the spiral continued. My mother hit rock bottom and was no longer able to care for us. I spent some time in an independent foster home. There was very little adult support around, and I secretly drowned in the depths of drugs and alcohol. At sixteen, I was put on a youth agreement and got my own apartment. I spent my days going to school, working a part-time job, and in my spare time, drinking and taking drugs. I entered relationships that mirrored every unsafe thing I had ever known. I dated a drug dealer. I tried very hard not to lose myself in the process while still juggling my insecurities and hardships with food. One of my best friends ended up in a wrong place, wrong time situation, and he was murdered. The trials for his murder went on for about six years, and this took something from me that I spent a long time building back. Through all of this, I kept going. I was highly functioning. I worked hard, I showed up, and I smiled.

Most of my late teens and early twenties, I spent working in hospitality, saving money so I could go traveling. I traveled most of Europe as well as Central and South America. I built a life that looked full from the outside, but inside I was suffering. I was very good at what I did — always organised and structured. I usually became a manager at the jobs that I worked. I surrounded myself with people because I did not know how to be alone. Underneath it all, my nervous system was unravelling from a lifetime of survival.

At twenty-two, I took a flight to the UK, and I went to find my biological father. Just me and a backpack. Through a thread of synchronicity, I found him — and it was confirmed through DNA. It was one of the biggest days of my life. But over time, my presence disrupted the life his family had built, and I was quietly pushed to the edges again. The rejection of me finding him and then feeling pushed to the side revealed core wounds I did not yet know I held. But through this revealing, my initiation began.

Then at twenty-four, I was offered a job at a resort in a remote area on the coast of British Columbia. I had spent part of my childhood growing up along this coast, and some of my immediate family still resided there. The job was being a banquet captain for weddings, and managing and organising people was something I was very good at. For the first time in a long time, being out in nature, there was silence — on the outside and within. Nature was always my safe place as a child, but I had been quite removed from it for the last ten or more years. During this time, I started to journal again, tapped into my creative self. I started to release, and this made space for me to start unwinding for the first time. Whilst living out there, I met my son's father. After spending a year and a half at this resort, my son's father and I went traveling together. Within this time of finding ourselves, we landed in Peru, and there we conceived our son in Cusco. Soon after, I became a mother. And motherhood cracked me wide open.

For the next few years, I poured myself into raising my son. We moved to the interior mountains of British Columbia. This is where I learnt to start taking deeper care of myself. I learnt about health, about nutrition, about the body systems, about good food and water. I learnt to let go of different addictions and the things that had been holding me back — behavioural patterns that no longer served me. I started to feel myself for the first time. I started to unravel within this space. I began to take deeper care of myself because at this moment in time, there was another being that relied on me, and that was enough for me to tap into the deeper parts of health and wellness. I taught myself many different skills — how to build a garden, then how to grow food, how to live off the land. I repaired my fractured relationship with food this way. The unhealthy habits I built during my survival years started to dissipate as I found my way back to myself through connecting with the earth, connecting with the elements, and connecting with spirit. I got a diploma in holistic nutrition. I studied herbal medicine, and I continued to study many other different health and healing modalities over the years.

When my son was three, his father and I separated — with much love and respect that remains to this day. Shortly after we separated, I met my daughter's father and quickly became pregnant with my daughter. This is when everything truly started to unravel.

After my daughter was born, I began having flashbacks of memories I did not know I carried — things that happened during childhood and developmental years. They came in fragments while I was sleeping, while I was nursing, while I was trying to hold it all together. My nervous system, already frayed from decades of survival, started to give out on me. I began losing consciousness. If something stressful happened and cortisol surged through my body, my nervous system would shut down. It would feel like an electric shock to my body, and I would pass out and go unconscious on the floor.

After every medical test they could offer me, I was then diagnosed with Complex PTSD from childhood. Not a single event, but a lifetime of repeated fractures. The kind that happens when your environment is unsafe and unpredictable.

I hit a place I can only call rock bottom. At this point in life, I felt alone with little support. I had two small children. It was 2021, and we were navigating a rental crisis and major inflation. Medical support had become unavailable. I was pushed out of support systems and deeply unwell. It was the darkest corridor of my life.

But it became my initiation.

Slowly, over eight years, I hit rock bottom but then built myself from the ground up. I sat in plant medicine ceremonies. I used somatic therapy, nervous system regulation, herbal medicine, medicinal mushrooms, minerals, breathwork, meditation, and importantly, support from some of the community. I healed concussions from passing out with herbs and patience. I rewired my brain through practice and presence. I learnt how to regulate a nervous system that had never known regulation. I came back from a place most people don't come back from — slowly, deliberately, and with everything I had.

Every experience I have lived — the grief, the fracture, the survival, the healing — has crystallised into the offerings I now hold. This is not theory for me. This is embodied wisdom.

By energetically shifting and releasing the charge of trauma out of my body, the threads that were once fractured have now woven back together into a beautiful golden web — which is the web I have created to hold myself and my family in safety. I now have a beautiful relationship with my mother, and we are closer than ever. My children are growing up in a stable, nourished, supported, and safe environment. I have come a long way from where I once was. I have spent my lifetime learning how to come home to myself. And through this, I found my purpose. I now feel safe in my body, and I feel whole in ways I never thought possible — and I have been led to guide others to do the same.

I have the honour of raising a son and a daughter. I am a cycle shifter, a weaver, and a heart alchemist. Movement has always been one of my biggest allies and is the foundation of most of this work. Grief is my creative fuel, and through the depths of my grief, I found my gratitude — which has been my biggest act of survival.

Everything I have walked through has brought me here.

Thank you for reading ♡